| my dads home
tis wonderful
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| there was a time i enjoyed writing here
i don't know if i'll ever stop or if i'll find the time to inform you all of how my life is turning these days
as some of you know i have made some mistakes in my life and ran away to hear instead of facing them
for that i can't say that i've grown any better because of it but it has given me time to think
having even this small place of my own is relaxing, i no longer consider my parents house my "home"
it has been apparent to me as well that to some of my family im viewed as a visitor now
this is fine
classes could be better through my own feeble means to find myself i have neglected some of my studies and will suffer accordingly
also fine
after how life has thrown me up and down, my love for the world has only grown stronger. i realise now taht the world or god is not against me but that i must cherish pleasure as well as pain, for how am i to judge the extent of pleasure without first having pain to compare it to?
i do have a few regrets
the way my brother and i fight
the way i deal with pain tearing it open every time it starts to scar over to rip it fresh and anew
for not pursuing to m grave the person i still love even after all this time
yes i know this is where the reading stops
i was wronged by two people
i forgave them
i was wronged again
i nearly took my own life....twice
many of you don't realize how much you mean to me
simple considerations make life, well, life
living in the now is selfish with no forethought, living in the past shall only hurt me for not appreciating the present nor the future, and if i live for the future i neglect the now
so a wonderful balancing act is in order juggling pain,happiness,hurt and pleasure. from all facets of my life
i will do my best to do right by all of you this i swear
Michael Kurtus Peter Chelone
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| so its spring break i could be there anyday.....DUN DUN DUN
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| so i was drunk last night
more blitzed thn i've ever been
though i remember it all
you guy's rule for putting up with my shit
im glad im a funny drunk
that bottle of vodka was awesome
it was fucking cold out last night
why do i always have to be awesome when im at the bottom of my game/
i swear god plans these trials for me and laughs as i stumble my drunk ass hrough them
i'm the embodiement of instant gratification ladies and gentlemen
i rule
mike
out
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| the world turns and the pattern is woven,
the world turns and a man weeps
for he is stuck in the pattern
he has no control of what was
or what will be
he berates himself
for being a fool
everything was there in front of him
but he was blind
oblivious due to happieness
sleep after all this time
is still fleeting at best
non-existent most of the time
he is alone in this world
surrounded by time
he has no control
he is small and feeble
vainly trying to find a place
if you havent figured it out im awake
i think bob heard me stifiling myself so i came in here i shouldn't keep him awake with things i should be well over with by now, besides he has pt in 2 hours
morals the past feelings emotions they are all a funny thing
im so lonely here
im gonna do well in school that i promise myself but at what cost?
there are times i wish i started here and that the last 2 years of my life never happened
it all still eats me up inside
why?
such a simple question and there never was an answer given
i hate myself for still loving her
you would all hate me to
i'd take her back damn you all
set myself up for doomed failure
you all warend me the first time
and i ignored it the entire time
im to old in mind
to young in heart
doomed by my own past
i believe i shall always hold on to something that never would have been
im stuck here
lost as per normal
i just want it back or to never have happened at all
memories are such pain when tainted the way they are
happiness is given to those who don't deserve it
and taken from those who do
but i'm not the judge
i probally created this i mean after all everything exists because i believe it exists
whats the point
my message was lost
now im just a rambling fool
to be forgotten once again
amid the threads of time
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